An ultimate crush?

August 23, 2009

This was submitted as a comment but I thought it might be better as a “guest post”… sounds like this guy really needs some advice, let’s try to help him out! — GT

“Ok so I keep beating myself up on conflicting situations… I went to college as a confused teenager unsure of my sexuality… I was interested in girls but way more fascinated in boys on the count of i think i understand them better… I was almost certain i was a masculine bi male when all of a sudden at college preview, i saw this guy walk in. My heart shattered at how much i desired him yet i knew i would only see him briefly in such a huge college. well. i was wrong. during the preview, we got roomed together and i got to know him better to find out how similar we were. we loved sports and cars and both were aspiring to medical school eventually. At this point, i fell in love with this guy with an ultimate crush. I was happy with the crush since we never exchanged numbers so i would have lusted and never seen him again. I left for home sad and got prepared for college in the fall. I knew this was a fresh start for my life as a curious male.

“I came to my class on the first day and guess who sits next to me on the first day. My ultimate crush. We had all the same classes on accident. We exchanged numbers and did guy things together such as working out (i loved to touch his muscles), chilling, drinking, pool, whatever came up. I grew intensely in love with this kid and would do anything for him but i was never good at reading signs. he is older than me, 20 and is still a virgin which makes me wonder if he is straight since he had a GF and never tried anything at 20? he sounds like he could be curious to me. We both denouce gay things and acts but in my opinion, i believe the people who deny the most are more gay than anyone. I have never tried anything on him or have never shared any details with my sexual life with him since i am scared to freak him out.

“I am curious if i have a chance to experiment with this guy? he is even asking to get an apartment with me. He has no idea or hint that i am bi so this thoughts may change but otherwise i am deeply in love with this kid and was wondering on what you think. Lately he has keeps avoiding me. i haven’t come off strong. Anyone think he has a crush on me and is trying to kill it by avoiding me? we are starting classes in the fall shortly and we picked all the same classes to be with eachother as “bros” but i am looking for more. How can i make this lust go away? How am i sure what he feels? It is really tearing me apart cause i dont know my next move. we are close but are we that close? I can not sleep at night always thinking about him. I think i will give up and love him as a close friend and nothing more. my life sucks at this point so any advice and encouragement is greatly appreciated : )…”