Guys Together is a site for thinking about close male relationships. Specifically, friends, brothers, roommates.
I’ve been thinking in particular about what happens when such a relationship includes a sexual component… and same-sex attraction in general. I grew up with a younger sister, but no brothers, or even close male friends. Now as an adult, I’ve got such a friend. He’s an only child, so we both grew up wishing for a brother – and now we have one. 🙂 Yes, that includes sharing some pretty intimate moments with each other. (Details of what goes on are gonna be kept kind of to a minimum – I’m not trying to write porn.) It also includes a lot of other shared interests – travel, movies, TV, music, hiking. We’ve got similar but complementary tastes so it’s been fun to share that, too. (In other words, it’s not just that we’re closet sex-buds.)
Only “catch” – and the motivation for this journal – is that he identifies as gay, and I’ve always identified as straight. “Classic recipe for unrequited love! boring!” you say, flipping to the next site. Thing is, my lack of experience with brotherhood/close male friends growing up has left me kind of in the air on my exact feelings… and motivations… and desires. I know for sure that I’m into women. I’m less certain about why I’m willing to do some of the things I’m quite willing to do – with him.
So, that’s what this site is about: Me! Rather, about how guys relate to each other, regardless of what label they’d put on themselves, and in particular my thoughts on how my bro and I get along.
If you’ve got thoughts on that – got brothers? worked through similar stuff yourself? – please feel VERY free to comment. I’m writing stuff here in large part because I have no idea who to talk to about it. If you’ve wound up understanding yourself in a way you’re happy with (for instance, deciding that you’re bi or gay), feel free to share it – but realize that you and I are different people and the shoe that fits you may not fit me.
If you’ve read this and you’re certain you’ve figured out that I’m gay too and just in MASSIVE denial about it all – well. I’m not going to say you’re absolutely wrong, but I think it’s a little more complicated than that. If that’s the eventual conclusion – well, I can think of worse ones. But you’re not going to be the first person to suggest it, and you’re not going to convince me by just saying it.
If you’ve read this and you’re totally shocked that any so-called “straight” guy would possibly have any doubts about it… eh, again, there’s different people in the world. If I post something about what my bro and I do and you wanna chime in with how you and your buds would’ve done it (or not done it!) – that’s great.
I guess the last three paragraphs boil down to this: Sharing experiences and thoughts about our motivations and reactions is great. Trying to suggest labels without thoroughly thinking through the motivation isn’t going to be seen as very helpful. Trying to “force” labels based on some kind of checklist of “acceptable” gay/straight behavior is not welcome.
Thanks for listening.