I have a feeling this will be a long post, and I’m hoping that it won’t be in vain since the last post on this topic is almost a month old now.
I’m 21 years old and for the first time in my life have feelings for another man. The object of affection is my best friend, roommate, and fraternity brother. I love him, and I know he loves me. By this I mean, we share a brotherly love based on the bond we have through our membership in our fraternity, but ours is much closer than the bond between other brothers. I would drop anything for this man (also 21) no questions asked, as I know he would do for me.
We are so close, in fact, that when my girlfriend brought up the idea of having a threesome with another guy, he was the first person I asked. He was a bit hesitant at first, and after a lot of convincing he agreed. My girlfriend and I are pretty serious, and I have never had a problem with jealousy. She has problems with jealousy, but that’s not really relevant.
My “crush” I guess we should call it, is probably the hottest guy in our fraternity, and my GF is way more sexually attracted to him than to me. This doesn’t bother me at all because I know that their relationship is purely physical, and I trust them both implicitly. I understand it, too, because he is in way better physical shape than I am–think abercrombie model meets porn star meets Mr. Universe.
I convinced him to participate in a threesome with my GF and I by reinforcing the idea that nothing physical would happen between us, and with comments such as “its just sex.” After several weeks of this, he agreed. A few days after I got the text from him saying that he was willing to give it a shot, my GF and I were having sex for the third time that day when I completely lost my ability to continue any further. Frustrated, she got out a vibrator and started pleasuring herself with it. I thought of my friend and sent him a text that said “Get over here and fuck my girlfriend.”
I had my GF blindfolded and when he showed up I told him to take off his clothes and get himself hard. I, of course, was already naked. The man had a raging boner before he even got it out of his pants. He started fucking her and she said “I thought you said you couldn’t go any more” and then I put her hand on my dick and she got all kinds of excited because she knew it was someone else screwing her, but didn’t know who. In fact, she wasn’t unblindfolded until he was done. Anyway, none of that is really important. What is, is that he was incredibly nervous.
He was so nervous that he was shaking and couldn’t support himself while he was screwing her so they had to switch to her on top. I just kind of sat and watched, rubbing myself. I saw him look at my dick a couple of times, although this could have been out of pure curiosity, along the same lines as straight men sizing each other up with discreet glances at close urinals or in a locker room or the like.
So, his nervousness finally subsided and he let loose. The man is insane in bed. They screwed for like an hour and a half. He looked up at me throughout the whole event and every time he would notice me looking back at him, he would look away really quickly. At this point (the first threesome) I hadn’t realized my feelings for him. I was just admiring his naked body and enormous manhood. I’ve always been secure enough to acknowledge the attractiveness (or lack thereof) of other men. Most straight men respond to such questions with “Dude, I’m not gay, I don’t know if he’s hot.” All bull shit, BTW.
It wasn’t until the second threesome, in which he was much much more relaxed and opened up a lot that I started to feel something. I was screwing my GF missionary while she was sucking him off. My face was about a foot or less from his dick, and I could smell his natural body odors. Clean, but natural. It was purely masculine…it was amazing. I reacted the same way I do when I smell my GF’s perfume. The smell of her perfume is entirely erotic to me and can get me hard in an instant. When I smelled him, it was the same reaction–pure eroticism. I immediately freaked out–privately–I didn’t stop what I was doing or call it off, but all of a sudden I was incredibly nervous. I just continued screwing her while watching her suck him off.
Normally, I would watch her suck him off, but I was always watching her–this time I was focused on his cock. Each threesome got a little more daring. We no longer actively ensure that there was ample space between us to prevent any kind of contact, as we did in the first four or five threesomes. Now, we just don’t care. We’ve both loosened up. Sometimes when we’re switching positions our cocks might briefly brush against some part of the other’s body, she sucks us both off at the same time (cocks touching), we have done DP positions (not in the same hole) in which we could definitely feel the pressure from the other person’s dick and our balls slap each others during all the thrusting, and our bodies are just generally closer to each other (obviously) than they were in previous threesomes.
I have noticed that the more body contact we have with each other, such as the touching of thighs that is necessary to perform a double penetration, the harder our erections get, and the more passionate the sex is (with my GF).
We have been having these threesomes for about a year and a half now, and each time my feelings get stronger and stronger for this man–but, I believe that would happen even without the threesomes. At one point, when we were doing a DP position, I looked up (I was on bottom, he was on top) and he was staring me straight in the eyes. We looked at each other rather romantically, but after about three solid seconds (the longest three seconds of my life) he quickly looked away.
After more than a year of dealing with these feelings for him, and after that moment when we were looking at each other, I decided to try something to gauge his willingness for closer contact. He was screwing her missionary style, and I began to rub her clit. We have done this before, but always conscious not to touch the other person’s dick. I made a very quick move to brush the tip of my finger against his dick, thinking I would ignore it and just play it off as my hand slipped from all of his violent thrusting–not unlikely, or hard to believe. He didn’t say anything, but he pulled his dick out of her in about a half a second flat and signaled that we would switch positions. Damn.
Anyway, he is really masculine looking, but he gives off this vibe that makes people joke about him being gay. The entire fraternity jokes about it, but I don’t think anyone actually believes it. As I said, we are incredibly close. I have always been attracted to women, and have never felt this way about another man before. I love my GF, and we have future plans for marriage after grad school, so i wouldn’t be looking to leave her for my friend if something came of this. I think what I’m longing for is just a closer physical intimacy with a man that I love, as a brother and as the closest friend one can have. I don’t know that I would actively pursue sex…I wouldn’t have a clue what I was doing if I did, and I wouldn’t want to chance ruining what we have. I am much more content with the status quo than I would be without him. Then, I have in the past, in advice to other people about relationships (I’m sort of the go to guy for advice on everything with most of my friends, so you could imagine how difficult it is for me to be asking for advice this time) always told people that it is better to pursue something and loose what you already had, than it is to spend the rest of your life wondering “what if?” This has worked for everyone I’ve told it to. For some, they developed close relationships, and for others they lost the friendship they already had, but were better off for it (at their own admission). This is also good advice for just about every life scenario, not just relationships. For some reason though, I’m having trouble taking my own advice…
I really don’t know how else to describe the feelings other than that “I don’t like men, I like him.” I don’t believe I could ever been in an open, committed, homosexual relationship with anyone…it simply isn’t me. Now, of course, I have absolutely no quarrel with anyone who chooses that lifestyle…one cannot help one’s nature, and one should not deny it. I’m also not saying that homosexuality or bisexuality is a choice, that sentence just seemed to flow better that way, lol.
Some on the internet have called this “situational homosexuality/bisexuality.” Is anyone familiar with that term? Is that what this is?
I have tried to bring up conversations of a sexual nature with him, usually via text message…well, actually, always via text message…and he’s never shied away from the conversations. I’ve just been too shy to take them any further than subtle references to the enormity of his penis, or his perfectly toned body, etc. I can’t bring myself to actually ask him about same sex intimacy.
I know he is not homophobic, a very good mutual friend and brother of ours is homosexual. Still, I can’t seem to muster the courage to start any kind of conversation about this with him.
It seems like a lot of people here pursue their “straight crushes” while in bed with them, just sleeping. I would think I could come up with something if I could get him in this situation, but such would be incredibly difficult since we live together…no way to justify him sleeping in my bed while his is across the hall, or vice versa. Having him spend the night at my GF’s after a threesome also isn’t feasible because her bed is barely big enough for the three of us to have sex in much less to sleep in.
I don’t know what I’m feeling, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to ruin the amazing relationship we already have, but I would like to have some kind of intimacy with him. Even if its just touching his chest, or his arms–non sexual places. As the male in a straight relationship, it is always my job and my position to be the one doing the holding, but sometimes I feel like I just want to be held instead.