So… about 5 weeks into the semester. That means 9 weeks that I’ve been here. One sixth of a year.
9 weeks since I could just walk up the street, unlock his door, drop my clothes and slide into bed with my brother.
Not that I did it “surprise” like that very often.. mostly when I knew I was gonna mope all night if I was by myself.
There’s less moping now. I don’t have a lot of time for it, and some things have gotten a little less confusing with distance. Or maybe the confusion and ambiguity seems to matter less.
Made it back up to see him in September, for a quick two days. Well, mostly to see him, partly to see the town again… one big enough to have stuff to do. One with people in it that I know and want to do stuff with.
That’s the other thing about moving to a new town, for me… I absolutely hate meeting people. I’m no good at it – even knowing what to do gives me very little power to do it. Too much history as a kid of trying to reach out just to get ignored. (At best.)
So, while I’m quite sure that there’s some fun stuff to do around here, and that once I explore it some more I’ll probably like it… Well, anything that people typically do with other people (if they can), I hate doing solo. Here to see a movie? All by yourself? Yes, thanks for reminding me that I didn’t know anyone to ask. I might’ve forgotten the fact.
On the bright side, I’m saving lots of money by not going out. (So’s my brother – we were both spending way too much on that the past couple months. Or year.) That’s money saved up to go over to NC to see Her, or to fly up to see Him.
(Fall break is next week but I’d already managed to promise my aunt I’d go up and help her with some stuff. And my brother’s fall break is the week after, but he’s actually not going to be able to take much time off, if any. Which sucks, frankly, because we’d been hoping to get over to the Smokies. Trying not to mail anthrax to his boss. 
)
As far as the job… Well, the title of this post is actually wrong, I simply don’t have time to be bored, at least during the daytime. That’s a good thing, right?
Sigh.
November 12, 2008 at 4:03 am |
I discovered your blog today. Read some entries and decided I want, need, both to talk to you. I haven’t opened up to anyone. I don’t think I should as I’m not entirely gay. I love girls, but I lust after guys. Probably because I’m not the boyfriend material blah blah blah. I actually think of some more reasons.
Sure I still fantasize of having sex with women, but not as often as I do with men. I have a sexual relationship with my cousin. I think more than five years when we started. I’m 18, he’s 17. We’re both in college so the sex and such stopped. I probably shouldn’t say this, but yeah, we do anal sex, I suck him, don’t kiss. He doesn’t think he’s gay or maybe bi. He’s more interested in women, but he said several times that what we do is OK with him.
But I don’t believe him. When I suck him (standing position), he would hold my head, fuck my mouth. I asked him once. He said nothing. Just grinned. How handsome is he! Then the anal sex. I first did it to him, but when he tried it on me, he would always be the fucker. How unfair! He just says it’s OK, but he humps me like there’s no next time.
We were both virgins when we first did it. He masturbates with my brother and cousin (but not hold their dick). Nobody knows our relationship and we want to keep it that way. If you think you love the way you feel when you’re with him, then you can fall in love with him. It’s easier there in the US. The gay relationship. You can still have a girlfriend, wife and 2.5 kids while having a relationship with him. although it may seem like betrayal. But that’s because we were told that guys are for girls not for guys. The same thing happens with girls.
I think this comment is too long. I decided to comment on this post thinking that there’s a high probability of you reading it. I actually wanted to PM you but I don’t know how. Can’t see any link. I guess you have my e-mail address now so send me a message. I really feel like I can talk to you about my situation, the same way that you can talk to me.
Much love and peace,
Josh
PS: Please excuse my English, the faulty grammar, wrong choice of words. I’m Filipino.