Someone recently challenged me for seeing the world (only) through a “heterosexual ideal”, and failing as a result to appreciate how fundamentally different gay guys are. At least, I think that was his point – perhaps not. But this is my blog and my post, and therefore I’ll assume that someone has made that point to me. A question for everyone – particularly interested in responses from the bi & gay guys, but all perspectives are welcome:
What is the most important thing about you? Many years from now, when you are gone from your current life, what is it that you want people to know and remember about you?
Is it the fact of your sexual identity?
Is it what you have done in your career?
Is it where you have traveled, people you have known, events you’ve experienced?
In other words, would you want to be remembered chiefly for being gay, or have that remembered as a secondary fact if at all?
July 14, 2008 at 9:09 am |
i am a young gay adult who is just beginning to establish his life. if i were to die tomorrow i wouldn’t even want my sexuality to be discussed. i would want people to remember me for my determination to achieve my goals. i also would want people to recognize my achievements in life and mainly my love for travel and my success in visiting many parts of the world at such a young age. being gay only matter when i’m in my bedroom. the rest of my lifre is no different than any heterosexual’s.
July 16, 2008 at 6:13 pm |
Well, as you know I”m not gay. But I’d think people don’t want to be remembered for their sexuality but the things they accomplish or they way they’ve lived their lives. Hopefully people will someday realize that what a person does in their bedroom does not affect anyone else’s life.
I read the comments to your previous post just today. Have you realized that there is almost no point in arguing with Ewe? Or should I say there is no point in expressing your opinion if it differs from his b/c he’ll try to rip you a new one. I do not understand why it is hard for some to accept that sexuality is not black and white. Kinsey studied this and the research is quite good. I do not think that Jay is bisexual. At first I thought that was the only answer, but now it’s quite obvious to me that he isn’t. I slept with a female friend a lot (in case you haven’t read my older blog posts) when I was much younger and now have realized that the reason it meant more to her than it did to me was b/c I am not a lesbian and I think she is. Oh well. I’m anxious to explore the research on sexuality as a continuum and not just a set point.
Great blog btw.
July 19, 2008 at 8:13 am |
I’m willing to discuss stuff with almost anyone, I was really kinda hoping he’d explain more about how he thinks instead of insulting everyone else for not conforming to his expectations.
Maybe I just over-analyze things and expect others to do the same
July 30, 2008 at 6:43 am |
In a largely homophobic society like where I live, most homosexuals live unfulfilled lives. And because sex is an important part of humanity, many will tend to consider their sexuality as a very important part of their lives. Eg. My sexuality is the single most important cause of unhappiness in my life. It doesnt mean it is the most important or what people know about me. If I was out of the closet, it could be different because, being naturally outspoken, i would probably be an activist, with few friends, in and out of jail and court and probably having been physically tortured all because of my sexuality. Out of the closet, I would be struggling to achieve outside the bedroom with great difficulty. Most likely, the most popular thing about me would be my sexuality.
In Uganda atleast, things are different in life and in death. I know a famous radio DJ who died sometime back. In pop-culture there were rumours that he was gay although he was married with some children. In his death and after, this subject did not seem to take significance. People paid tribute (and probably still do) to his accomplishment in radio deejaying though in private they may still say “but unfortunately he liked fellow men”. Unfortunately also, not all of us are so accomplished in what we are doing.
Therefore, here it appears, your sexuality is more important in life and less important after you are gone (I could write later about possible reasons for this). Because of this, it appears gay people even here in Uganda, should actually not worry of what will be said of them after they are gone (Nobody should actually care what happens when they are gone). The problem is how to address the challenges of the here and now.
If gay people (especially in homophobic societies like Uganda) could struggle against all the odds and achieve significant success in their day to day lives, in addition to easing their daily lives, this could actually relegate their sexuality to relative unimportance after their death. The problem is that whether gay or otherwise, success in most homophobic societies (which will by default also be pragued with ignorance, disease and poverty) is not easy.
When I was still in school, I was struggling with poverty. My sexuality was not yet obvious to me because I was more busy with the emmediate challenges (mainly trying to make it in school and compete with the elite despite being very poor). After school, the struggle against poverty, has largely transitioned into an internal struggle with the implications of my sexuality to my future. In this state, my sexuality is if not the one then one of the most important aspects of my life.
If I die now, well and good, even few people will know about my sexuality and most people will remember me for many other things. In future, it is very difficult to predict what will happen. Obviously, I would like to be remembered for other things, not for my sexuality. If, by the time I die, I am already and activist then so be it if I am remembered for just that.
Right now, I am still dedicated to other causes (like finding the cure or an effective vaccine against HIV, like changing people’s attitudes to individual freedoms, like transforming our country from a wretched banana republic of homophobic bishops and ministers to a progressive, developed society etc). Whether in future I will be forced to make fighting homophobia a cause for my life is still unknown. Whatever I finally chose to live for, is what I will want to be remembered for depending on how much success or failure I will have attained.
July 30, 2008 at 6:50 am |
Maybebi: “or have that remembered as a secodary fact if at all”. ?if at all??? I think, here in Uganda, people will remember everything. Whether your sexuality will be outweighed by other things I think depends on how much you will have achieved.