Nearly came out

… to my brother last night.  We were discussing American Idol (he’s the fan, I just listen), where, apparently, at least two of the male contestants are gay.  “I guess he might be bi,” he said about the one who’d been a male stripper.  “I could hardly blame him for that,” I said; “people would still vote for a bi guy, right? as long as he didn’t make a big deal out of it?”

“Sooo… are you saying you are?”

“Maybe.”

“Mwahahahah! just a little way to go!” he grinned.  (I don’t think he’s ever really been intent on “converting” me, but he does like to tease.)

I guess the only reason I said “maybe” instead of “yes” (at least to him) is that - well, I don’t really see what difference it would make.  I want to settle down with a wife and 2.5 kids.  I’ve thought about “settling” for a “domestic partner” and adopting - but I really can’t find any trace of romantic love in my feelings for him.

Of course, the other way to look at it is to simply open up to him and let him decide what he wants.  I kinda did, at one point - that was a fun conversation:

“So, err, do you wanna be… you know?”

“Wanna be what?”

“Wanna call it ‘boyfriends’?”  (We were curled up together in our underwear on his couch watching TV.)

“Do you want to?”

“Not sure.  I don’t know if I’m ready to have a boyfriend.”

“‘Brothers’ is fine by me.”

It’s still fine by me.  I know I like having a brother :)   Even if he did let me sleep on the couch last night instead of pulling me off to bed.  (Hrmph.)