Homophilia

Ran across a story today – “Green Room”, about a guy growing up in Australia (I think) and his friends, both guys and girls. You can read it here if you like.

In one chapter, they have a guest speaker come in for sex ed. After the usual stuff about diseases and such (and that it’s better to wait for marriage – which the story suggested is pretty uncommon teaching there), there’s a very interesting bit about how guys feel about other guys:

The professor smiled and asked: “How many boys here hate gays?” He waited for a response but the crowd remained silent. “Okay, that’s cool but I don’t believe you. At least, not all of you. My guess is that most of you hate homosexuals. I figure all of you have heard the word “homophobia”. He waited until we all nodded. “But what about this word–”homophilia”? Is anyone here familiar with that word?” We shook our heads. “Okay, let me explain. Any guy who hasn’t loved another guy, or is in love with another guy, must be a very strange and unique person.”

Once again, you could hear a pin drop. No one dared look sideways. All eyes focused on the professor.

“Let me explain. It’s very common as well as normal for best friends to want to be together as often as possible. Best friends hug each other. Best friends sleep over at each other’s houses, often in the same bed. Best friends phone each other because one misses the other’s company. In all of those cases, what we call “friendship” is actually a very deep, romantic love. Yes, you heard me right. It’s a very deep, romantic love that best friends feel for each other. But!” He paused a moment to study our faces. “There’s nothing sexual about it. It’s called homophilia and it’s quite different to homosexuality.”

The prof’s speech knocked everyone’s socks off. For me, he took all the pieces of the puzzle that never made sense and assembled them in a logical and credible order.

“Often we see two boys who always hang out, to use your generation’s expression. And because of what we’ve been told or led to believe we conclude they must be gay. That’s a huge problem among teens because they often associate homophilia with homosexuality. In some cases, a boy who has a deep, romantic love for another boy can become confused about his sexuality. He may consider himself gay because of the pressure brought about by his peers, when, in fact, he’s not gay at all.”

That right there is what this site’s all about