“Maybe bi”?

OK, so my pen name here is “maybe bi”. That was picked a little before I’d thought through what I really wanted to do here, so not perhaps the very best choice – but it’s not a bad one, either. I don’t really feel like I have to have a “label”, nor an “orientation” that fits neatly into socially-fixed lines.

That said, it might go a long way towards explaining some of the stuff I do.

After all, a bi guy going to bed occasionally with a gay buddy sounds a lot less strange than a straight guy doing the same stuff with the same guy. Yet I don’t feel entirely comfortable identifying as ‘bi’, either. Too much of the “easy way out”?

Or perhaps it’s that I don’t really understand what bisexuality really means. I was brought up quite firmly in the idea of 100% monogamous commitment. I definitely want a wife, and children. I’ve talked (on IRC) with married guys who hook up with other men (or at least want to) and don’t see it as “cheating”… I can’t see it as anything *but* cheating. So if I’m really attracted to both men and women, then getting married (to either one) must really mean forsaking everyone else. (Including my brother.)

The nearly-universal situation for the guys I’ve talked to on IRC has been: wife doesn’t know, wife would leave him if she ever found out. So they’ve shut away this big chunk of themselves from their wives, falling back on quick encounters at the gym or just lonely fantasies. That seems bad – bad for the husband as well as for the wife. Ben of <a href=”http://sexuallyme.blogspot.com/”>Sexually Me</a> is in a better situation – his wife knows and supports him. Still doesn’t sound like he’s entirely happy with the way things are working out. (I’ve only just discovered his blog so go read it yourself if you want the details.)

(This post continues in “Maybe bi (part 2)“.)