Why not strip?

“Guys have a thing about being naked in front of other guys.”  Well, of course.  If you’re a guy (at least in the US, and at least under a certain age – see below) then you understand that there’s certain times and places that it’s “okay” to be naked.  And very few of those are in front of other guys.

(Yes, this is written from a particular viewpoint.  I’m aware that many of the guys reading this may not share that viewpoint.  The intent isn’t to offend, merely to describe “majority” behavior. If you just stumbled across this as the first thing you read here, please take some time to read a little more before you flame me for “hate speech”, ‘k?)

Yeah, that’s pretty close.

What is this thing called… “jealousy”?

Dammit.

I want him to find someone.  I do, I do, I really do.  I want him to find a guy, and me to find a (female) wife, and we’ll still be best friends and hang out as much as possible and go camping every summer and what happens at the campground stays at the campground while we’re still being faithful to our respective partners.

That’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to go.  I wrote it all out, even.  Nice little script for everything.

(Not that that’s ever really worked any other time I’ve tried it.)

So why did I instantly get all prickly-jealous at the casual mention of a new friend who persuaded him to actually go out to a club on a Friday night, when that’s not at all his type of thing to do?  This would be the one gay club in town, by the way.  Which he’d previously had zero interest in, as someone who doesn’t like crowded smoky clubs and also isn’t officially out.

Dammit.

Guest Posts Wanted

Hey guys – I’m kinda busy these days and away from my “bro”, but I’m still really interested in stuff about how guys can get close to each other.  I know that people are still stopping by, looking for some help dealing with unexpected feelings and such.  Soooo….

I’d like to open things up for some of you to share your story.  Maybe you’re dealing with being “too close” to a buddy right now, and need a safe anonymous place to get it off your chest.  Maybe you’re already on top of that relationship and have some advice.  I know that there’s been some stories shared in the comments that I’d like to hear more of.

Whichever it is, drop me a line (guystogether@gmail.com) about what you’d like to say and we’ll get the ball rolling.

For the sake of posting

Posting this mostly just for the sake of posting.  Ran up to Michigan to see my bro before Christmas – that was fun, although he had to work more than he’d expected, so a little less hangout time than we’d planned.  Still VERY good to get to see him.  And to exercise some up in the snow… first semester in the new place made it difficult to keep to a regular schedule on that.  (Especially since the gym here isn’t nearly as convenient to get to quickly.  On the up side, I started martial arts classes – kenjutsu, one of the sword disciplines.  Very fun!)

Still miss Him.  Miss Her, too.  She called the other night to tell me she’s almost certainly gotten the postdoc job in New Zealand… 2+ years on the other side of the world.  If she does, that will definitely end any hope of “us” ever working out happily.  Been feeling lately like it’s time to give up and move on anyway… there’s only so long one can chase a dream before it just becomes a straw to grasp at.  Or a wild goose to chase?

Yep, this sucks

I knew when I moved away that it’d be tough to get together very often… plane tickets for a weekend are a bit of a luxury and it’s a 9 hour drive each way.  But there was fall break – oh yeah, our two schools don’t take fall break the same week.  I did get up there in September for a nothing-but-fun trip (as opposed to August, which involved some work to get the rest of my stuff moved).  But a weekend once a month isn’t exactly long enough when you’re used to spending 50 hours a week together.  And October’s visit collapsed under two busy schedules, and now he’s dealing with some serious family crisis stuff.  Sigh.

Just wish I could be there to help – someone to vent to, someone to relax with.  Email and IM work but it’s not quite as spontaneous and open as saying it in person. So it really sucks that this particular crisis isn’t one I can help with at all at all at all. 

BTW, if anyone’s got tips on a reasonably successful way to reverse some of the symptoms of ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), please let me know so I can pass it on?  He could really use some ideas about now.

Bored now.

So… about 5 weeks into the semester.  That means 9 weeks that I’ve been here.  One sixth of a year.

9 weeks since I could just walk up the street, unlock his door, drop my clothes and slide into bed with my brother.

Not that I did it “surprise” like that very often.. mostly when I knew I was gonna mope all night if I was by myself.

There’s less moping now.  I don’t have a lot of time for it, and some things have gotten a little less confusing with distance.  Or maybe the confusion and ambiguity seems to matter less.

Made it back up to see him in September, for a quick two days.  Well, mostly to see him, partly to see the town again… one big enough to have stuff to do.  One with people in it that I know and want to do stuff with.

That’s the other thing about moving to a new town, for me… I absolutely hate meeting people.  I’m no good at it – even knowing what to do gives me very little power to do it.  Too much history as a kid of trying to reach out just to get ignored.  (At best.)

So, while I’m quite sure that there’s some fun stuff to do around here, and that once I explore it some more I’ll probably like it… Well, anything that people typically do with other people (if they can), I hate doing solo.  Here to see a movie?  All by yourself?  Yes, thanks for reminding me that I didn’t know anyone to ask.  I might’ve forgotten the fact.

On the bright side, I’m saving lots of money by not going out.  (So’s my brother – we were both spending way too much on that the past couple months.  Or year.)  That’s money saved up to go over to NC to see Her, or to fly up to see Him.

(Fall break is next week but I’d already managed to promise my aunt I’d go up and help her with some stuff.  And my brother’s fall break is the week after, but he’s actually not going to be able to take much time off, if any.  Which sucks, frankly, because we’d been hoping to get over to the Smokies.  Trying not to mail anthrax to his boss. )

As far as the job… Well, the title of this post is actually wrong, I simply don’t have time to be bored, at least during the daytime.  That’s a good thing, right?

Sigh.

Man Friendships

There are several reasons why men were so damn affectionate with each other back in the day. First, men were free to have affectionate man relationships with each other without fear of being called a “queer” because the concept of homosexuality as we know it today didn’t exist then. America didn’t have the strict straight/gay dichotomy that currently exists. Affectionate feelings weren’t strictly labeled as sexual or platonic. There wasn’t even a name for homosexual sex; instead, it was referred to as “the crime that cannot be spoken.” It wasn’t until the turn of the 19th century that psychologists started analyzing homosexuality. When that happened, men in America started to become much more self-conscious about their relationships with their buds and traded the close embraces for a stiff pat on the back. The man hug was born.

From a great new post at The Art of Manliness on Man Friendships. Complete with old-timey photos of guys holding hands!

You know what he’s doing?

anginae writes:

“But imagine this: your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other is sitting on the same sofa as you. You are madly in love. But you know what he/she is doing? Looking for a date. Talking to singles who are also looking for dates.”

That suddenly strikes me as a good description of what I must’ve been putting my “brother” through all these years. Fascinating “turned around” way to see it, too.

It’s not that I don’t love him… but rather that I don’t know if I love him that way. Still. That also means I don’t know that I don’t love him that way. Still.

Yes, I’m still looking for dates (with women) (mostly via OkCupid) (however well that works out). I really hope he does too, actually… I think some of the confusion I’ve felt, as I’ve noted before, is from a lack of experience, and he’s got even less of that than me (afaik). Maybe the whole “I think we should see other people” isn’t just a line chosen at random.

Do I hope he finds someone else? I can’t tell. I want him to be truly happy and loved in every way he wants it… if some other guy can do that, without all the hesitation and doubt and confusion… well, he better treat my brother right, that’s all I’m saying….!

“Dudes getting facials”

One of my favorite country artists – there’s not a long list – is Brad Paisley.  I was listening to the radio when his latest song “I’m Still a Guy” came along.

Apparently it’s safer than I would’ve expected to search for the phrase “dudes getting facials”… at least now… Thanks Brad!